Beautiful Disaster
by justanoutlaw
Summary: Years after they decided against having another child, Emma and Neal get a little surprise.


**Based on a headcanon that queen-of-the-merry-men has, about Emma not wanting to have more kids and her second pregnancy being a very big surprise that she wasn't happy about in the beginning.**

Emma sat on a stump, twirling with the fringe on her tunic. Despite a few trips to the Enchanted realms over the years, she had never really adjusted to the wardrobe. Regina had helped her find pieces that fit her, so she wasn't wearing corsets or dresses most of the time. That would come in handy considering her stomach would be expanding soon enough.

God, how had that happened?

For the first few years after their wedding, she and Neal had focused on just settling down in Storybrooke. Neal started up social services for the town, as that had been his field in New York. Emma was busy as sheriff, growing the station after her dad decided to start farming. Sure, they'd babysit their younger siblings as needed, but they didn't think about babies.

Then Henry left for his trip and Neal suggested they start trying for one of their own. Emma admitted she wasn't sure if she wanted more kids. Kids had never really been in her plans. She hadn't raised Henry and that had been the very best thing for him. She loved Gideon and Neal, but they hadn't exactly given her baby fever.

She just wasn't sure if she had what it took to raise a kid from the start. Parenting a teenager wasn't easy, but she had to admit that Regina had done most of the work. She wished more than anything she had the will to do it, especially as it was something Neal wanted. Yet, she just couldn't make herself.

It had caused a fight between the two for a long time. Neal hadn't tried to convince her otherwise, but he clearly wished she had brought it up sooner. Emma hadn't thought he'd want more and that was on her, it was something they should've discussed before they said "I do". It was the first time in a long time that Emma truly feared that she was going to lose him.

In the end, Neal admitted that a lot of it was guilt for not being there for Henry. More than anything, he wanted to prove he could be a good father. At the same time, he knew that wasn't the fair way to do that. They agreed that each other was all they needed. For the next few years they were happy, the subject of babies not coming up again unless a citizen asked about it.

After they arrived to help Henry and Ella, Emma had started to feel sick. She assumed it was adjusting to the environment and the food, so she ignored it at first. Then her period was late and her boobs were getting tender. One magicked test and it was confirmed, she was pregnant.

Neal had been cautious when she told him, clearly not wanting to sway her one way or the other. She knew that was the best possible reaction, but it somehow made her upset. Emma had told him she needed some air and left the cabin they shared with Regina and the alternate reality Hook, taking a walk.

"I knew I'd find you here." Emma looked up to find Neal standing there. God, he looked handsome in his own tunic and leather pants. "A bit cold, isn't it?"

"I just needed to think," she muttered.

Neal dropped down next to her on the ground, putting a hand on her thigh. "There are ways here, potions…"

"I know."

"We don't have to have this baby."

"I know, Neal."

"That looks like it upsets you."

"We were careful for a reason, I didn't want to be in this position," she said, meeting his eyes. "We made our choice."

"This doesn't have to change that."

"It changes everything." Emma sighed. "A woman has a right to choose, of course she does. But it's not a choice that I want to make."

Neal tilted his head. "Are you saying…"

"I want to have this baby."

He took her hand and squeezed it. "You don't sound happy about that."

"Do I even know how to be a mother?" Emma shook her head. "We didn't raise Henry. We like to say we parented him, but let's be real, Neal. Regina did most of the work. Even when we showed up, we gave him advice and he hung out at our place…but how much parenting did we do?"

Neal nodded. "I know. I think about that every day."

"The thing is…I don't feel bad about it. Sure, I wish I had witnessed those milestones, but I don't regret my choice. Henry had a good life with Regina. He was happy, healthy…he didn't need us."

Neal frowned and for a moment, Emma worried she hit a rough spot. "I think about that too, and I know you're right."

"I'm not the most open, loving and feeling type of person. I don't want to ever make a kid feel like I did growing up. And I love my parents, you know I do. I love the relationship we have and wouldn't change it, but it's not the typical parent/child relationship we would've had if they had raised me. I don't even know what normal is. Kids need more than just a safe home and food. They need love. I know I'll love the baby, I already do…but I'm scared I'm not going to be enough."

"I'm scared I won't be able to do that either."

Emma's eyes widened and she tilted her head, taking in her husband. Neal was one of the most loving people she knew. He always wanted to take care of people. When they were homeless runaways, he had gone hungry so she could eat many nights. He often went cold so she wouldn't. If he was that great to her, there was no doubt in Emma's mind that he wouldn't be like that with a baby.

"My papa was amazing when I was younger, but my teen years, well…" Neal sighed, running his fingers through his curls. "Even now, I don't have a normal relationship with my dad, at least not what we could've had if everything hadn't gone wrong. My mom and I were never close, now she's dead. I was so scared when I met Henry, that I could hurt. If my papa could screw up that badly…maybe I will too."

"You'd never do that." Emma rubbed her thumb over his knuckles. "Even if you did screw up a little, I think all of our parents have proven that redemption is possible. You care about others, Neal. This baby isn't going to lack it with you."

"It won't with you either. Emma, you're going to screw up, but like you said…all parents do. If you really want to have this baby, you could do it. And I'm going to be by your side every step of the way."

Tears gathered in Emma's eyes and she put her free hand over her flat stomach. "I love it so much. If I let it down…I could never forgive myself."

"Okay, that's worst case. What else?"

Emma sniffled, allowing herself to let her mind go there.

"The baby will grow up to resent us, possibly become the next big villain."

Neal bit his lip to suppress a smile. "Really?"

"You never know."

"And the best case? We're good parents that make mistakes and we figure it out one day at a time."

Emma sighed. "You really think we can do this?"

"I really do." Neal kissed her cheek. "And I know one talk won't fix all of our fears…"

"It's still a good place to start." Emma squeezed his hand. "So…we're having another baby."

"We're having another baby."


End file.
